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For a long time, I lived a “double life”. Part of me was researching social justice and analysing statistics of happiness, submerged in public policy. The other part of me, kept separately, lived a life, embodied, playful and spiritual – exploring an inner journey and learning methods like coaching, psychodrama, improvisation dance, mindfulness, meditation. I felt that I had to keep them apart not to discredit myself in these circles… as they all seem to have had great reservations about the other. As my „second life” was gradually growing and I started to lead groups and to work as a coach, it became ever more difficult to maintain this divider in my life and in myself. Somehow I was blocking the natural flow of life energy in myself.

Many ethical leaders, entrepreneurs, activists, and open-hearted people feel passionate about the fate of the world, and they strive relentlessly to bring about a change they wish to see. Some may be driven by frustration with the current state of affairs, and focus on protest. Some may envision a peaceful and regenerative future, and collective creation is their driving force.  All in all, however, constant effort is exhausting, especially if someone wants to carry the whole burden of the world alone – as the Greek God Atlas. If they forget about their needs and limits, they can become “endangered species” as well.

Although we may wish to, we cannot hold our fate under control. So much suffering comes from aiming to control not only our actions, but also their consequences! A sense of failure, of not being enough, of not trying hard enough. As if we suffered from not being omnipotent.

The holiest things in life are not created by us, by our own efforts. The seed emerges from the earth, the bud becomes a flower, the fertilized egg becomes a fetus, and then baby, as the organs and cells of our bodies relentlessly work to sustain our life – it is not the outcome of our will and action. We cannot do anything but notice, witness, feel a sense of wonder, and observe the miracle.

Hence, co-creative life is not solely based on will, the urge to act, or a desire for making a difference.  Action and non-action: they belong together. Each has its own time, just as the seasons follow each other, just as a tree blossoms, bears fruit, and then drops its leaves and fells into a winter dream. We cannot urge spring with an alarm clock. A great transformation often occurs during our non-action, when we experience a different quality of existence, characterized by openness, trust, and letting go.

Tuning into this rhythm of life is a great mystery. A mystery worth exploring.

At certain times in life, we feel that things are out of control. We have done all what we could, and yet, there is silence, there is no response, there is no awaited event or meeting or clear direction. We are waiting.

These spaces in-between tend to make up most of our life time, most of our being. Like the space between particles, or the space between the atoms, or the space between celestial bodies in the universe. Without space, no material would exist. These spaces, these waiting times are inherent part of our lives. They may feel like a vacuum, they may feel painful, but there is an immense freedom in them – as they are not filled with the “usual” stuff. We need to honour them, as we honour ourselves. We need to resist to control, to exert force or to strive to fill this space immediately. Rather, we can practice to stay calm in this freedom of emptiness, the freedom of not knowing yet. Our true freedom is to be at peace in these empty spaces. These spaces in between make us able to transform, to enter a new phase in our lives. Trusting and being and being well in ourselves is the best we can do.  Just like a mother expecting a baby, one cannot rush, just honour the growth of (yet invisible) life inside. Be well in your space in-between! You are not “only” waiting, you are already living. This is your life.